Parental Alienation is a newer name for turning a child against another parent. Regardless if the parent is an absent parent, or involved in the child’s life, the damage is most times irreversible and the pain is life long. Sad stories can be found throughout the internet by parents that have been shut out of their children’s lives by the selfish act of parental alienation.
While parents may think they are the target, the real victims are the children. Many of the alienated children are taught to believe that they are better off without that alienated parent. But, what really happens is the child misses the love and support they deserve from the absent parent. Moral and Christian values are often disregarded in most cases as a child asks for an explanation for the severed relationship. Controlling with threats or promises are well documented methods of operation in manipulating a child to bend to the controlling parents will.
In my personal battle to have time with my only son, Greg, I was up against the devil’s old tricks. His father would make plans with my son on my weekends instead of making sure he was clear and ready for me to be with. He was promised ATV rides, party’s at neighbor’s houses, out of town trips, and if I had let anyone know of my plans with Greg they just simply wouldn’t be there. These were things that I couldn’t compete against. I lost count of times that I had made police reports and called my attorney to let them know his father and step-mother ignorantly cursed me out and told me to get off their property.
And what did my son think of all this? Did he like the game that they played? My son was put into a position where he had to agree with them and was not allowed to take up for me, his relationship with me or even show that he had any feelings for me at all. There were times when we finally talked about these horrible things that went on and how it got so bad so quickly. He was forcefully pushing me out of his life at their insistence. My common sense says pick up the pieces and keep moving forward, but my heart has a hole in it that aches and reminds me of my greatest loss. My heart will always know he is missing. My hope is that I can see him again one day, to say hello and tell him that I love him bigger than outer space, I love him more than even myself.
There are no winners with parental alienation. Children that are raised with alienation of affection have to learn coping skills to make it through sadness, depression, self blame and guilt. Until parental alienation is recognized as a form of child abuse, it will continue to happen to children of separation and divorce. Creating a downward spiral of emotional abuse for generations to come.
-Valerie McGilvrey
Valerie’s Blog http://www.mcgilvrey.com
Valerie’s book, Scar on My Heart on Kindle
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